Not in my Job Description

There are a couple of things I just don’t do.  I don’t cut grass.  I don’t climb on the two-story ladder.  And I don’t buy cups.  I’m talking about athletic cups, not the kind you drink out of.

The only illustration I'm using for this post.

One of my kids returned home from a week at the beach with a friend’s family last night.  He looked exhausted and had a beautiful tan (obviously no SPF 100+ sunscreen applied).  I knew exactly what would happen without my intervention, so to avert crisis this morning, I gave him two tasks:  unpack your bag from the beach, and get your lacrosse bag packed and in the foyer.  (Lax camp began this morning.)  I even gave a deadline.  9:00 P.M.  I was very proud when (a few minutes before 9:00) he went out to the garage to gather his gear.

He returns with the bag, then goes to his room, and begins making noise that indicates he’s looking for something.  Soon thereafter, he appears downstairs and asks if anyone knows where his cup is.

Now, as his mother, I feel it’s my job to stay on top of certain things.  I make sure he has clean underwear and socks with no holes no more than a few holes.  I keep shampoo and soap available, and provide meals.  But I will not be responsible for his cup.  I just won’t.

Mr. Wonderful remembers seeing one in his closet, so goes to help him look.  I’m having no part of this search — just shaking my head and fetching a wine glass to be an observer.  They find one.  My son announces that it’s too small.

I just walked away.

If any other male made that statement I’d have been on it like gravy on rice. There are sooo many punch lines.  But this is my kid, so it’s a little creepy going there.

As it was now too late to go buy a “bigger one” I listened as his dad asked him if he could manage for the first day of camp with the one we found.  He said he could.  This afternoon I’ll hand him some cash and send him in to Academy Sports to go resolve this issue.  By himself.  Because I’m not going to get into a discussion about what size cup he needs.  Ever.

P.S.  For the love of all things sacred, please don’t tell him I wrote this. 


13 thoughts on “Not in my Job Description

  1. Barry

    Thank you so much for this, I’m still laughing and it brought me back a ways… my ex-wife refused to take care of certain tasks with Logan as well – and I completely understood.

    Bear in mind that if we had a daughter instead of a son, the shoe would have been on the other foot – when it came time to certain feminine… needs. Just not a time when a girl needs her Dad, you know? Anyway, I never had that chance since we just had one son, but Jenni went through the same things you guys described and then pawned them off on me when she’d had enough. LOL Thanks for the laugh, great post (and comments!).

    1. The Lucky Mom Post author

      You’re welcome for the laugh!! And – yes – had there been a daughter in this house, Mr. Wonderful’s job description would’ve had many things in the NOT column.

      1. barry

        Ha, I could sympathize with that! I really enjoyed reading this, Lisha, thanks so much for the laugh. I really enjoy the way you put things into perspective.

        And to be honest, Logan will occasionally share something with me that has me running away, putting my hands over my ears, yelling “LALALALALAA!!!” – I just don’t want to hear it. He’s 19, I keep telling myself that, but – there are just some things a parent should never, ever know about their offspring… 😉

  2. Heather Holbrook

    I’m with you, that would not be in my job description! At this point my son is into music, and not sports, beyond the pickup games at school, but should that need ever come up – his dad is definitely going to be in charge of that!

  3. Kay S.

    I’m with you on the first two–I don’t cut grass or climb ladders either. Come to think of it, I’m with you on the third one, too, but as the mom of girls, I’ve bought enough bras, pads and tampons to last a lifetime. 🙂

  4. Eugenia

    Y’all crack me up glad I don’t have to deal with that issue. Just had to teach the daughter how to shave under the arm yesterday. Yes one arm the other underarm hasn’t grown any hair yet. LOL I dunno it could have happened that way with me, I don’t remember.

  5. Sandy

    That is too funny! I had a similar (partial) discussion with Thomas. Unfortunately, I had to accompany him to Academy Sports (since he doesn’t drive yet) to purchase one for baseball. He kept wanting the large size…I wasn’t going to debate the issue, but I couldn’t help snicker to myself! Whether it really fit or not, I will never know…and don’t want to know!


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