Yesterday we left the youngest home alone for a little while. Upon returning, I notice a spill on the kitchen counter, on the opposite side from the sink and fridge. Not a spot where we usually pour drinks or spill ice cubes, so it was a bit unusual.
And, as everyone knows, in order to clean something up effectively, you should know what it is. For example, if it was water, I would have wiped it up with a paper towel. If it was Sprite or some other sugary beverage, I would have used a wet rag. If it was wine, I would’ve probably used a straw.
But the location of this had me puzzled, and I really didn’t know what it was or how it got there.
So, like any crazy practical woman would do, I dipped my finger in the spill and tasted it. Water. Good. Wipe it up and go on, and no point wondering for too long how it got there.
But a few minutes later, there was more water on the counter, so I looked up. I noticed some water on the bottom edge of the upper cabinet. My mind is trying to figure out how water got there. Did someone smack a cup or bottle of water on the counter, causing it to shoot up? Had it been a carbonated drink, the kid might have had a gusher, but it was water. Where was water coming from?
I looked further up, and there it was. Water dripping through the ceiling. Must be the water heater. Mr. Wonderful and I dash up the stairs and into the attic, but that’s not it. We move into the bathroom.
But the bathroom floor is dry. So we check under the sink. Dry. Then I feel the wet rug, and all the pieces of the puzzle fly into place in an instant. The boy overflowed the toilet. The boy tried to clean it up so we wouldn’t know. I just tasted potty water. Dirty potty water.
Yep. I drank what came out of one of these. (Thank you, Microsoft, for the royalty-free image.)
So now I have a new item on that list of Things I Never Thought I’d Do.
I drank a glass of wine to sanitize my mouth calm my nerves. Then I got out the mop and bleach and cleaned it up. And now my kitchen and bathroom smell Clorox-fresh, and I’m out of wine.
* * * *
This post was submitted to Yeah Write!
Lisha Writes 
Priceless, you are a great story teller! I’d have been grabbing for a bottle of whiskey and I don’t even drink whiskey!
I was trying to decide whether it was better to induce vomiting or drink wine. I figured I could always induce vomiting after the wine.
No! That would have been a waste of wine. 😉
As soon as you said you tasted it I began to shudder. EWWWWWW. Did you go to the ER? 🙂 You are like a Seinfeld episode! Ah, family life. 🙂
Cathy, I have another story that is truly a Seinfeld episode. But I have to wait until the statute of limitations runs out before I share that one.
OMG Lisha, I am crying laughing — and throwing up in my mouth a little! Moral of the story: always keep a bottle of wine on hand for emergencies.
Yes, for emergencies. Gotta be prepared. 🙂
This is an example of an experience that wasn’t at all funny when it was happening. But hindsight has made it hilarious.
Because this is the reality of what we do as moms when we are no longer shoving our noses into diapers to see how critical the situation is.
Thankfully, the contaminated water had been filtered through drywall. I’m sure that removed some of the cooties, right??
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Oh. My.
I had a friend call me once asking if it was a bad thing if it was raining from the light fixtures on the main floor. Um….yeah…bad.
Oh, that is so funny! I’m glad it was just an overflow, and not a major plumbing leak! Those are no fun.
Oh no! EWWW!! I feel a little nauseated just reading this.
Oh, good gravy! That’s hilarious and disgusting all at once.
There is nothing that causes an “OH NO” panicked reaction like a water leak! My son’s overflows constantly into the foyer when it drips out of the can lights. Disgustingly funny post that had me cracking up the whole way through. I’m a wino, I mean lover of wine, as well! Looks like there’s a group of us here at Yeah Write!
Yeah, there do seem to be a lot of us here from Yeah Write! As I told Stacie below, a lover of wine is an ‘oenophile.’ Much classier than wine lover, don’t you think? Now, back to the post… Teach your son how to use the shut off valve on the back of the toilet. I’m wishing I had done so last week.
I read your Small Package post a couple of days ago. Lovely memory.
Holy crap (no pun intended)! This was hilarious. Thank goodness for the sanitizing power of alcohol!
Hey, I love a good pun. 🙂 Especially one with ‘crap’ in it. I briefly considered rinsing my mouth with bleach, but I figured the wine had both sanitizing capabilities and tranquilizing effects. Both were needed after that experience.
I’m positive I’ve done this but can’t confirm it. Hilarious!
Trust me, don’t go back and try to confirm it. You’ll be left with a queasy stomach for a long time. (But good blog fodder.)
Waiting to hear from you on your follow up. Keep busy, keep living. ❤
Oh that sucks, but it’s too funny.
Yes it did, and yes it is! Laughing at myself is what keeps me sane.
Loved your post about bacon, with one exception: Bacon bits are the bomb. I can get my kids to eat so many things if they have bacon bits on top.
Love this! Too funny — but I especially loved the “If it was wine, I would have used a straw.” I hear you. You might enjoy this post about the 12 Wines of Christmas … http://notappropriate4.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-twelve-wines-of-christmas.html You may be a kindred spirit. I’m drinking Clos Du Bois Chardonnay tonight, and it is my favorite chard. I highly, highly recommend it! ❤
LOVED the video! And love the Clos du Bois! I just returned from a trip to Paris, so I’m on a French kick right now. Julienas Beaujolais, to be exact!
I am sorry but I have to laugh. Have to. This was so well written too! Favorite line: If it was wine, I would’ve probably used a straw. I’m big into wine too – I love finding fellow wine lovers!
Thanks, Stacie. Yeah, I’m proud of that line.
I’ve started referring to myself and my fellow wine lovers by our fancy-schmancy name. We are oenophiles, lovers of wine. (That’s one of my descriptive words on my Twitter profile.) Sounds classy, no? 🙂
LOL! I’m really sorry this happened to you but this post was great! Life is really gross sometimes, isn’t it? And thank God for wine.
Life is gross and wonderful, often simultaneously! And yes, thank God for wine. Otherwise the gross part would win!
I’m so grossed out for you, but honestly, this sounds like something that would happen to me too. Great post!
That seems to be a theme here. “Sounds like something I would do.” Oh, well. I seem to have made a bunch of new friends because of that little sip, so I’m calling that the silver lining of this nasty cloud.
Loved your post about the pig tails! I loved my dad the same way. He could do no wrong!
Why do we do this? I almost always check spills by tasting them. Once it turned out to be antifreeze and I was certain I would die. I didn’t, but now I know why it is so attractive to dogs. It has an oaky bouquet.
I don’t know why, but I think we’d better stop. Just go with a wet paper towel and spare ourselves! Oaky bouquet, huh? I wouldn’t have guessed that.
Ugh, my worst nightmare is coming home from somewhere and finding water dripping from somewhere in my house where water is most certainly not supposed to be dripping. I’m glad that you solved the mystery. I am simultaneously laughing and grossed out by the image of your tasting the liquid on the counter. Glad you had the wine to detox!
And now the task remains on how to remove the stain from the ceiling. We had our ceilings refinished after Hurricane Katrina (roof leaked, and it rained inside). So it’s a bummer to have damage on them. But I have to fix it soon before the Little Dude sees the spot and has a guilt reminder. He feels pretty bad about the whole thing. Me, I’m still shaking my head in disbelief.
Thanks for visiting, Samantha! Looking forward to checking out your place soon!
Ah!! So funny, only because it’s definitely something I would do. The part about the straw made me LOL. 🙂
I hate to waste good wine! And I’m finding it amusing at how many women are saying it sounded like something they would do, but no men. Not sure what to make of that observation. Thanks for stopping by, CF. That baby of yours sure is cute!
I had to laugh because this story reminded me so much of 1) liquids in odd places in our home, and 2) the upstairs neighbors in our last apartment. My husband and I don’t have kids, but we have cats and any liquids in weird places are usually their doing. But with the neighbors I knew the water was coming from their bathroom, which was directly above ours. Yuck!!!! However, I didn’t taste it. lol
You are obviously wiser than I. I’m still shaking my head at acting on that impulse. Oh, well. Now I have a story to tell at parties. 🙂
Ewwwwww! And awesome. These are the moments where I’m like, “I can’t believe that happened! But now I have something to blog about.” 🙂
I know. I had to stop myself from running to fetch the camera. 😉
Now I want to wash my mouth out, it feels dirty just from reading your story.
I get that feeling every time I think about it. *sigh* Thanks for stopping by, Gem. Your post about your Irish heritage was a fun read!
Oh man!!! Ew. I say, what happens in mommyland, stays in mommyland. 🙂
Indeed! But I knew I could share my story here, amongst my kindreds. Thanks for stopping by, Icescreammama! I enjoyed your run on Blogger Idol!
So glamorous this motherhood thing is, no? 😉
Indeed, Nina. Next time I’ll dab a little behind my ears. And do yourself a favor. Teach your kids how to use the shut off valve behind the toilet. Learn from me, sister!
Think of it like the old axiom about it being good for kids’ immune systems to eat dirt….except with toilet water. =P
Joe, I’ll go with anything that makes me feel a little better about the whole experience. That one sounds great. 😉
Eek! Too funny (and disgusting). That’s like when you see something brown and smell it (and sometimes taste it!) to see if it’s poop or chocolate. Umm..what if it ever was poop?!
I’ve never done the poop/chocolate taste test, and I guarantee I never will! Thanks for stopping by, Diane!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha and heheheeheheheheeheheheheheheheh
I know. I laugh to keep from getting grossed out. 🙂
YUCKyuckYUCKyuckYUCKY!!!!!
But I’m also giggling. Only a mom would taste the mysterious liquid on the counter. LOL!
It’s a mistake I will not make twice. 😉
Oooh–ooh–I’m laughing and cringing all at once
As was I. 🙂
I had to employ all my Jedi mind tricks to NOT think about it too much.
Hahahahaha! I love you so much! Now you really are a potty mouth! 🙂
Yep. Outed right here on the Internet for all to see. You do know how to make me laugh, Renee!
Oh, my … think of it this way — the sheet rock on the ceiling filtered out any impurities, so all you got was the water.
That’s exactly how I rationalized it — I mean thought about it. Thanks for stopping by for a laugh with me. 🙂
Howling . . . in grossed out sympathy, dear friend!! And giggling–just a little!!
I’m giggling a little, too! 🙂
Well as you know I would not have tasted it sorry you did. gross. but i agree you need to show him the shut of valve. I learned that real quick with old folks living with you. Next time don’t taste what you not sure of. I would have been cleaning for ever. cheryl